Cocomelon: the unsettling kids show that's breaking Netflix ...

A streaming extension of the wildly popular animated YouTube channel has ... The first episode – Cocomelon Sing-Alongs: Playdate With JJ ... SkiptomaincontentSkiptonavigationAdvertisementNewsOpinionSportCultureLifestyleShowMoreShowMoreNewsWorldnewsUKnewsCoronavirusClimatecrisisEnvironmentScienceGlobaldevelopmentFootballTechBusinessObituariesOpinionTheGuardianviewColumnistsCartoonsOpinionvideosLettersSportFootballCricketRugbyunionTennisCyclingF1GolfUSsportsCultureBooksMusicTV&radioArt&designFilmGamesClassicalStageLifestyleFashionFoodRecipesLove&sexHealth&fitnessHome&gardenWomenMenFamilyTravelMoneyMakeacontributionSubscribeSearchjobsHolidaysDigitalArchiveGuardianPuzzlesappGuardiancontentlicensingsiteTheGuardianappVideoPodcastsPicturesNewslettersToday'spaperInsidetheGuardianTheObserverGuardianWeeklyCrosswordsSearchjobsHolidaysDigitalArchiveGuardianPuzzlesappGuardiancontentlicensingsiteBooksMusicTV&radioArt&designFilmGamesClassicalStageAnimationonTVCocomelon:theunsettlingkidsshowthat'sbreakingNetflixrecordsAstreamingextensionofthewildlypopularanimatedYouTubechannelhasbecomeahugehitbypacifyingkidssotheirparentscanbreatheAstillfromCocomelon.Photograph:YouTubeAstillfromCocomelon.Photograph:YouTubeStuartHeritage@stuheritageThu5Nov202008.18GMTLastmodifiedonThu5Nov202018.00GMTWhenyouthinkofNetflix,youmightthinkofimmovableculturalartefactslikeFriends,orbelovedoriginalproductionslikeStrangerThings,oroddlyratifiedlockdownstapleslikeTigerKing.AndyetoneofthebiggestNetflixshows,possiblyever,isashowyoumightnotevenbeawareof.Ladiesandgentlemen,thatshowisCocomelon.AccordingtoForbes,CocomelonrecentlybrokearecordbyremaininginNetflix’stop10most-watchedshowsfor62days.That’slongerthanAvatar:TheLastAirbender.It’slongerthanOzark.It’slongerthanTigerKing,TheUmbrellaAcademyandLoveisBlind.SowhatisthisCocomelon?Aprestigiousdramathatoffersanauthenticlookatanimportantsocialissue?Adeliberatelytrashyrealityshowaboutashoppingmallconcessionkiosk?AtruecrimedocumentaryaboutamonsterknownonlyasTheCocomelonKiller?Cancelculture:isNetflixkillingoffseriestoosoon?ReadmoreWell,no.It’sakid’sshow.Andifanythingthat’sputtingitloosely.Infact,Cocomelonisajustseriesofthreehour-longnurseryrhymecompilations.Thefirstepisode–CocomelonSing-Alongs:PlaydateWithJJ–beginswithasongcalledFirstDayatSchool.OveramelodypitchednebulouslybetweenTwinkleTwinkleLittleStarandThisOldManHePlayedOne,aCGItoddler(thinkPixarbywayofadebilitatingradiationleak)expressesnervesaboutstartingschool.Hisfamilyprepareshimbyendlesslydrillinghimonwhatheneedstotake,whatheneedstodoandthepreciselevelofemotionheshouldbeexperiencing.Hegoestoschool.It’sfine.Thesongends.Threeminuteshavepassed.Another57remain.Look,Cocomelonisnotthesortofthingthatholdsuptoscrutinywell.It’scloyingandsimplisticandrepetitiveand,unlessyouhappentobesufferingfromaveryspecifictypeofhangover,notdesignedtobewatchedbyadultsatall.Somesongs–likeFatherandSonsDay,wherethetoddlerdoessit-upswithasortofformaldehydeRobLowefigure–aregenuinelyunbearabletoendure.Butguesswhat?They’renotforyou.Ifyou’reapreschoolchild,though,thisstuffislikecrack.TheCocomelonyouseeonNetflixisactuallyaneditedhighlightsreelofitsYouTubechannel;thesecondmostviewedchannelonEarth,with82bnviewsanda$120mannualadrevenue.AndYouTubeiswhereIfirstcametoknowCocomelon.Betweentheagesofoneandthree,mychildrenabsolutelywolfedthisstuffdown.Itdidn’tmatterthatthecharactersfloatedaroundweightlessly,asifthey’dbeenshotintherearwithatranquilliserdart.Itdidn’tmatterthatmanyofthesongsfollowedthesamefractureddreamlogicofaDavidLynchmovie.Itdidn’tmatterthateverysecondofeverysongwaspitchedwiththesortofrelentlessunblinkingsurface-leveljoythatappearedtoovercompensateforsomedeep-setirreparablepsychologicaltrauma.ThekeytoCocomelon’ssuccessisn’tthatit’sgood,becausenoentitythisdeterminedtopumpanendlessstreamofJohnnyJohnnyYesPapavariationsintoanalreadyanxiousworldcaneverbethoughtofasgood.No,thekeytoitssuccessisthatit’sjustaboutreliableenough.YouTube,especiallykid’sYouTube,isaterrifyingwilderness.Unlessyoutreadvery,verycarefully,youcanendupwatchinghideoustext-to-speechabominationsorNumberblockscompilationswheretheNumberblocksallswearor–andthisoneisfrompersonalexperience–athankfullynow-deletedPawPatroltributecartoonwhereChasewaselectrocutedandtorturedButwithCocomelon,youknowwhatyou’regetting;aseriesofinoffensive,ifslightlyunsettling,songsthatgoonandonandonforlongenoughtoletyousneakoffandcookdinner.It’sthepreschoolequivalentofamindfulnessapp,orawhitenoisemachine,orafairgroundhypnotistwhoseemsjustaboutfriendlyenoughtolookafteryourchildrenwhileyounipawaytothetoilet.Andthat’swhyCocomelonisdoingsowellonNetflix.Itisn’tbecausepeoplelikeit.It’sbecauseit’sareliableenoughstand-inwhenaparentjustwantstogoanddoapooaloneforonceintheirgodforsakenlife.TopicsAnimationonTVNetflixTelevisionYouTubefeaturesReusethiscontentcomments(…)CommentinghasbeendisabledatthistimebutyoucanstillsigninorcreateyourGuardianaccounttojointhediscussionwhenit'sbackcomments(…)CommentinghasbeendisabledatthistimebutyoucanstillsigninorcreateyourGuardianaccounttojointhediscussionwhenit'sbackBooksMusicTV&radioArt&designFilmGamesClassicalStage